New Music

So I've found a song I like, and I can sing, and I feel motivated to sing it, but I don't know. It's been a heck of a long time since I guitared for people.

Missy Higgins Forgive me: http://youtu.be/82ctJPv_kGU

Glory and Gore

Sometimes I wish I had more guts. I see people saying or doing something that I'm pretty damn sure is going to go badly for them, but I respect their "free will"or some shit.

Right now I'm tempted to say fuck that.

I want to get upset and tell people my opinion, because I know these people actually value my opinion and it will affect them, but I'm really damn scared they'll leave me because of it. It's irrational and stupid, but it's a big thing to me.

But if I stay quiet they could get really messed up.

Fuck.

Session #4

Today actually felt really nice. I hurt and it burns, but I don't ache and I'm not queasy anymore. I was going to do 40 push-ups, but I still had some juice left over so I did another 10. Final tally is as follows:

•  50 push-ups
• 20 standard
• 10 wide
• 10 close
• 25 sit-ups
• 20 leg lifts

Also, I've really noticed my left elbow is giving me serious trouble. While the aches in the rest of my joints have abated, it feels like the muscle below my triceps that attaches to the top/back of the elbow joint is inflamed. I'm thinking that I'm pushing it too hard, so I'm either going to have to slow the whole thing down or work on one handed push-ups with my right until I lose some of this weight. Ideas, Schrodingers?

Session #3

I had to cut my push-up sets from 10 to 8, because I'm still super weak from yesterday. Once I can do 8 with minimal difficulty, I'll jump up to 10

• Yoga, as always. (Maybe I should post an explanation of the forms I go through?)
•  40 push-ups in total
• 24 standard push-ups
• 8 close push-ups
• 8 wide push-ups
• 20 sit-ups
• 15 leg lifts

Again, ow ow ow.

Session #2

Exercised kind of late tonight. Good Lord I hurt.

• Yoga to start
• 50 push-ups and 20 sit-ups
• 10 standard push-ups
• 5 sit-ups
• 10 wide push-ups
• 5 sit-ups
• 10 standard push-ups
• 5 sit-ups
• 10 close push-ups
• 5 sit-ups
• 10 standard push-ups
• 15 leg lifts
• Assorted stretching to try and make the pain stop

My stomach really hurts. My arms not so much, but there is this pervading sense of weakness setting in that I know is going to kill me at work tomorrow. I almost couldn't come all the way up on that last push up. Head, swimming; stomach, nauseous. So all in all I'd say I done well. I'm thinking I might cut the push up sets down to 7 or 8, because there's no point in doing this if I can only do it once every three days.

Projecting

This will be a short post from mobile.

What we have done and had done to us and our reactions to what has been done to us define us. So it only makes a sick sort of sense that whenever a situation is presented to us, we imagine how we would handle that situation.

Even the most empathic people can never truly fully understand where someone else is coming from, so our decisions are clouded by our own personalities and decisions.

That being said, I am NOT you, you arrogant Asshole. Just because you would take advantage of this situation and hurt everyone who tried to help you does NOT mean I will. Some nights it might seem like a great thing to do, collateral damage and long-term planning be damned, but I won't do it. I will be a decent human being and prove the people who love me right when they put their trust in me.

The very reason I'm being afforded this opportunity is because I'm not you. I will in fact do things the right and proper way and work my ASS off making things work, you little shit.

Because sometimes people are worth the effort, even if things don't go how you'd like, and the act of striving to better yourself in the pursuit of something glorious actually makes a difference.

Devil's Advocate

I can sometimes be a bit of a Debbie Downer. My friends know this, and have accepted it. Something they have not come to accept, and may not even know that I do, is play the Devil's Advocate. Murphy will suggest something awesome to Khaleesi, and they'll both start kind of planning it or thinking of fun things to do together, but after about 10 or 15 minutes I'll lean in and say "but what about this? Or that or the other thing?"

I'm not doing this to kill the fun.

I'm doing this to make it POSSIBLE.

Or another example. (OOH I HAD AN IDEA! Meet Timmy.)

*Ahem* Our random NPC (Non-Player Character) Timmy is having a disagreement with somebody, and Timmy totally believe that he's correct. Now I'll let him get about 3/4 way through his argument and say "But what if this just happened to them? Or there's something you don't know that makes them act like this? What if you accidentally said something horrible and they're right to be upset?" Needless to say, it doesnt go well for me after that.

BUT.

If I hadn't said anything at all and agreed with Timmy, then he goes to confront this person and BAM they had a perfectly valid reason for being upset, even if they couldn't articulate it at the time?

The bottom line is that I pressure my friends because if they can't take it from me, someone who loves them dearly, then how well are they going to handle it when they have to go fight the real monsters about important things? I'm like the tutorial to every RPG or video game in existence. You HATE that tutorial, so damn much, but it got you set up for the rest of the game. I'm the practice encouter with half the Hit Points and damage of the actualy boss, but I let you get a feel for what it's like.

So I let them get mad at me. I let them get indignant and lay into me for 20 more minutes about how they're right, and here's a reason, and here's a fact, dammit, and by the end they have a bunch of arguments already thought through before they have to go off for reals. So my job is done.